Shakira - Ciega, Sordomuda

Se me acaba el argumento y la metodología
cada vez que se aparece frente a mí tu anatomía
Por que este amor ya no entiende de consejos, ni razones
Se alimenta de pretextos y le faltan pantalones

Este amor no me permite estar en pie,
por que ya hasta me ha quebrado los talones
Aunque me levante volveré a caer
Si te acercas nada es útil para esta inútil

Bruta, ciega, sordomuda, torpe, traste y testaruda
Es todo lo que he sido, por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace otra cosa más que amarte
Pienso en ti día y noche y no sé como olvidarte

Cuántas veces he intentado enterrarte en mi memoria
y aunque diga ya no más es otra vez la misma historia
Por que este amor siempre sabe hacerme respirar profundo
Ya me trae por la izquierda y de pelea con el mundo

Si pudiera exorcizarme de tu voz
Si pudiera escaparme de tu nombre
Si pudiera arrancarme el corazón
y esconderme para no sentirme nuevamente

Bruta, ciega, sordomuda, torpe, traste y testaruda
Es todo lo que he sido, por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace otra cosa más que amarte
Pienso en ti día y noche y no sé como olvidarte

Ojerosa, flaca, fea desgreñada,
torpe, tonta, lenta, nécia, desquiciada,
completamente descontrolada
Tu te das cuenta y no me dices nada
Se me ha vuelto la cabeza un nido
donde solamente tu tienes asiloY
 no me escuchas lo que te digo
Mira bien lo que vas a hacer conmigo

Bruta, ciega, sordomuda, torpe, traste y testaruda
Es todo lo que he sido, por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace otra cosa más que amarte
Pienso en ti día y noche y no sé como olvidarte

Bruta, ciega, sordomuda, torpe, traste y testaruda
Es todo lo que he sido, por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace otra cosa más que amarte
Pienso en ti día y noche y no sé como olvidarte

Bruta, ciega, sordomuda, torpe, traste y testaruda
Es todo lo que he sido, por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace otra cosa más que amarte
Pienso en ti día y noche y no sé como olvidarte

[Shakira]

[.: Dime quién camino cuando se puede volar :.]

Felicidad

Espero encontrar un día de estos la energía para hacer todo a la vez: leer, escribir, traducir, estudiar, trabajar, viajar, escuchar música, querer, dejarse querer, tener confianza, aprender, perfeccionar mi español, enamorarme de un montón de lenguas más, encontrar un lugar donde sentirse a casa, sentirse fuerte, sentirse libre. Nunca dejar de pensar en por lo menos tres o cuatro lenguas a la vez, porque son tres o cuatro maneras distintas de   ver/entender al mundo encantador. Dejar atrás el miedo paralizante. Ser feliz, simplemente. Sonreir cada día.

... y a los amarillos, las perlas y los diamantes.

... Dat ik één van deze dagen de energie mag vinden om alles tegelijk te kunnen doen: lezen, schrijven, vertalen, studeren, werken, reizen, muziek luisteren, liefhebben, geliefd worden, vertouwen hebben, leren, mijn Spaans perfectioneren, verliefd worden op nog zoveel meer talen, een plaats vinden om je thuis te voelen, je sterk voelen, je vrij voelen. Nooit stoppen met op z'n minst in drie of vier talen tegelijk te denken, omdat het drie of vier verschillende manieren zijn om de betoverende wereld te bekijken/begrijpen. De allesverlammende angst achterlaten. Gewoonweg gelukkig zijn. Elke dag een glimlach.

... en de gele mensen, de parels en diamanten.

[I'm halfway there. & I won't back down.]

[.: Dime quién camino cuando se puede volar :.]

Sol.

Y si haberme levantado a las 6 menos cuarto quiero dormir más a las 8, quiero soñar un poco más.

Soñar con nada más que la vida y lo hermosa que puede ser.

Hoy no llueve en mí.

[.: Dime quién camino si se puede volar :.]

& the radio plays sad, sad songs

6.30 in the morning, radio on. "News. There's only one headline this morning..."

Those words are always enough to make you sit back and brace yourself for what's to come. Today, somehow, the host's voice gave it all away before the words were even spoken.

A bus with schoolkids.On their way back from a national tradition: the ski trip with school in 6th elementary grade. Tunnel in Swiss. Accident. 28 lives lost. 22 kids. 11 years old. 24 others injured.

The songs are different, the usual jokes are skipped. Every 5 minutes the tragedy is repeated. Slowly we come to sense the scope of what happened.

28 lives lost, 22 kids. That's 28 devastated families. You send your kid off with school, off to have fun, only to never see it back. Parents & kids, brothers & sisters, ... were supposed to see each other again today. Instead they woke up to the worst possible nightmare, the bare harshness of reality. Unbearable doubt for those families involved as a list with names of the victims has yet to be drawn up.

What a surreal thought. The parents of these kids were all brought to Swiss, not knowing whether they'd see their kid back alive. Can you imagine knowing an accident this terrible has happened, your kid is involved, and not know for 12 hours if it has survived? Words falter and silence remains.

What a mayhem it must have been for the relief workers, for the kids that survived. From countries with different languages, how are you supposed to communicate? All six adults present in the bus that might have been able to calm the kids down and identify them, lost their lives. Can you imagine being that kid, not having anyone to take care of you, not being able to explain where you're from or what happened?

The impact must have been tremendous. 52 people on the bus. 28 casualties, 24 more injured. The parents who've lost their kid have to help identifying them, one injured kid, still  in danger of losing its life, seems yet to be identified. The unbearable doubt continues.

Tragedies like these take such immense proportions, especially when kids are involved. Kids are about the most sacred and innocent creatures in our society. Kids have their whole lives in front of them.

But these kids are injured for life. 22 of them will never get to finish elementary school, never go to secondary, never get to break their heads over what to study, what to do with their lives. They will never get to go to the scouts and get a totem, never get to fall in love, grow up, have kids of their own. Never get to do all the things we're supposed to do in our lives, not as a kid, not as an adult. 6 other lives suddenly ended as well. The frailty of life sinks in.

28 lives lost against the wall of a dark, cold tunnel.

You don't want to be their families. You wish you never have to feel your world crumble from under your feet and live through such pain.

& all the radio can do really, is play these sad, sad songs. Because somehow we all grieve, and we all feel immensly for these families.

"No one said it was easy
Nobody ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start"
(Coldplay)

Windows en auto's, pt II: werken met MS Word

In de categorie "BEWARE THE MICROSNOT BEAST", werken met MS Office, Word om precies te zijn.

Naar analogie met Mijn papa, Windows en auto's.

 

Wijst de spellingscontrole je op het volgende: "Formeel taalgebruik (geen suggesties)". You must be kidding me. Ik gebruik MS Word toch alleen maar om mijn meest informele smsjes in op te stellen?

Windows in de auto: Hou je je aan het verkeersregelement. Zegt de veiligheidscontrole: "Cannot continue. You are driving pursuant to the law. (No suggestions)".

Stel je de spelling in op Nederlands (België). Wijst de controle je op een foute zin: "Belgisch Nederlands (geen suggesties)". No shit, Sherlock! Ik wilde Afrikaans leren en dus stelde ik de spelling in op het Nederlands van België.

Windows in de auto: Leer je rijden. Zegt de veiligheidscontrole: "Cannot continue. You are driving correctly. (No suggestions)."

Wijst diezelfde controle je op een fout woord: "Schrijftaal (geen suggesties)". Je meent het. Ik gebruik mijn MS Word om tegen de mensheid te praten.

Windows in de auto (met automatische versnellingsbak): Schakel je de auto in D (Drive) en rij je de weg op. Zegt de veiligheidscontrole: "Cannot continue. Your car is driving. (No suggestions)".

Conclusie: Auto's & een Microsoft besturingssysteem gaan niet goed samen. BEWARE THE MICROSNOT BEAST! It never gets old.

[.: To live is to fly, low & high, so shake the dust off of your wings and the sleep out of your eyes :.]

Townes Van Zandt - I'll be here in the morning

There's no stronger wind than the one that blows
Down a lonesome railroad line
No prettier sight than looking back
On a town you left behind
There is nothin' that's as real
As a love that's in my mind

Close your eyes
I'll be here in the morning
Close your eyes
I'll be here for a while

There's lots of things along the road
I'd surely like to see
I'd like to lean into the wind
And tell myself I'm free
But your softest whisper's louder
Than the highway's call to me

Close your eyes
I'll be here in the morning
Close your eyes
I'll be here for a while

All the mountains and the rivers
And the valleys can't compare
To your blue lit dancin' eyes
And yellow shining hair
I could never hit the open road
And leave you layin' there

Close your eyes
I'll be here in the morning
Close your eyes
I'll be here for a while

Lay your head back easy, love,
Close your cryin' eyes
I'll be layin' here beside you
When the sun comes on the rise
I'll stay as long as the cuckoo wails
And the lonesome bluejay cries

Close your eyes
I'll be here in the morning
Close your eyes
I'll be here for a while

Close your eyes
I'll be here in the morning
Close your eyes
I'll be here for a while 

I don't know what it is about this song. It's my new all-time favorite. Something about it grasps me and has me listening to it over and over. I like how it captures the duality between wanting to see places and wanting to be with the one you love. I like how he says nothing's prettier than a town you've just left behind, on to the next one and how nothing's "as real as a love that's in my mind". I like how it says "I'd like to lean into the wind and tell myself I'm free but your softest whisper's louder than the highway's call to me" and how that sounds like some contradictio in terminis. I like how it says "I'll be here for a while" and not forever. Coming from Townes, as I've read, indeed there's probably no way it would have been forever. Which makes the song all the more true. I like how that suggests that one day the highway's call will probably be louder. I like how it says what I'm looking for, how I feel, and how, one day, I'd like someone to sing this song to me. I've recently been listening to Blaze Foley and Townes Van Zandt and I don't know how, country/folk isn't usually my kind of music, but their music really appeals to me. Something about my set of mind that evening made me fall totally in love with their songs. It doesn't even matter. They're here to stay. Their cds are hard to find in my regular shop(s), but there's a whole series of them along Avenue Anspach and around that I haven't checked yet. If that doesn't help, there's always the internet. With these words, I'll go back listening to Townes Van Zandt.

(PS. I also like how his name clearly derives from Dutch).

[.: To live is to fly, low & high, so shake the dust off of your wings and the sleep out of your eyes :.]

América Latina

(Source: www.postsecret.com)

Funny how I want to be heading in the opposite direction (supposing this secret is from somewhere on the American continents). Although I haven't given up on life. I've only decided I should live it the way I want to. Or rather, should not live it the way I do not want to. I know better what I don't want than what I do want. There's a drive somewhere within that makes me curious as to see how life goes on the other end of the ocean. I do not expect to be running away from my life or all the questions and doubt that lie within me, unanswered. They will follow me wherever I go. I do not expect to just find the answers I'm looking for. I simply need to compare things in order to know whether I want them or not. If I don't like it, I might as well move on to the next continent. Or come back. Call me idealistic. Unrealistic. I might as well be, I'm a dreamer, but I need to figure things out somehow (if it takes me a lifetime). Go and see them for myself feels like the only way.

I have no idea what my life will be like in 5 years, or even tomorrow. I only know this: I want to finish university and then see Latin America, and the rest of the world if possible. If I find a place to call home or do something I love somewhere along the way, fine. If I end up going there and back again, that is fine too. I'll figure out what doesn't work for me as I go.

[.: To live is to fly, low & high, so shake the dust off of your wings and the sleep out of your eyes :.]

Ps. Check the song.

The noise is heaven

You know, every time I think I've calmed down and moved on to other kinds of music, along comes, if not some grunge revival, this dark, brooding metal band. They're called Skid Row and they're well over their "best before" date (by which I mean I've only listened to the Sebastian Bach albums), another prerequisite for me to like bands it seems. That being said, I guess it is true that I like pop music as well. I have my occasional days I cannot bear to hear anything heavier than, say, Bon Iver. I cannot deny my so-called roots though. My ears start to bleed just as I'm convinced I need no more metal/grunge distortions. Ah, I hear those whispers. Hair and glam! Well, Bon Jovi is the first "rock" band I was really into, I liked Twister Sister for a while, I love me some Aerosmith, and I've always fancied the Guns 'n' Roses lads, until they officially became the Axl Show. I'll admit I'm a sucker for big, long hair (and the occasional bandanna. Only very occasional though, around the wrist preferably). I'm in such a forgiving mood I can even bear all the spandex and leather going on there. It's probably safe to say that if I were born 10 to 20 years earlier, I'd be the glam metal groupie kinda chick. And then I'd move right on to grunge, oh yeah. Shamelessly, at that.

And now I can safely go back hiding and listening to my Walkman all night. 80's Alice Cooper, Bon Jovi and Aerosmith and Skid Row and all those other 80's hair bands. And head bang shamelessly without the long hair. The noise, people, the noise. It is heaven.

[.: You're poison runnin' through my veins :.]

On a completely random note, I think I know what I'll probably show up in next Halloween. Yes, I'm aware that it's only January. It leaves me 10 months to fine tune the idea... *grin*

Life, Pt [?]

De juiste woorden vinden om de pijn en onzekerheid die zo onredelijk diep verankerd in me zitten, uit te drukken en van me af te leggen. Van dag tot dag, het blijft een gevecht.

Life still seems like the little box I want to get out of. I don't know what it is I want so desperately, but I'll have to think bigger than the place where I live. For starters, I guess. A year back from now, I was envisioning a long awaited change. A chance to think outside my box, to be outside my box. It was hard, it was great, I've been desperate and intensely happy. It was every bit a roller coaster ride & I'd do it all over again. But now it seems as if I'm stuck again. The black hole is gaping below me and I'm scared I'm falling into it all over again. My energy levels haven't been so low in a long time, sleep doesn't come easy, I can't remember anything & sometimes, I just want to sleep through the day and not wake up until a million years later & I feel better. I have to fight. Going to Spain has helped me in a lot of ways, but it hasn't helped me conquer my fears and doubts. Too many days the world seems like a big black blur. It takes patience and perseverance and some days I can't find any. I have to finish my studies, I want to finish them. At the same time I'm so disappointed and scared I want to stop altogether. And then there's the blur again. What in hell am I going to do with those diplomas? What do I want? What do I need in order to feel happy, to be happy? Questions keep popping up as I can't answer any. What is it that keeps me back? What do I want to do with this life? I didn't ask for it, and yet here I am. So make the best of it. But how? What will make it feel valuable and every second worth it, at least to me? I want to feel free, I don't want my life laid out for me. I need a broader horizon than the one I can envision here. People seem to be realistically narrow-minded and I want to dream. I want to help people in some way and I want music to somehow be a part of my life. I want change and a freedom that allows me to think big. Get rid of the doubt, in the first place. I have to study, make new year's wishes and fight the demons that still haunt me. Al final, me quedo quieta de querer hacer todo a la vez.

[.: Because time gets harder to outrun And I'm nobody, I'm not done :.]

*Find the right words to express and get rid of the pain and the uncertainty that is so unreasonably and deeply rooted in me. It remains a fight, day to day.

*In the end, wanting everything at once, I keep still.

 

Twenty something dreams

These are my not-equally-realistic-nor-equally-desired twenty something dreams. Teenage dreams -revisited, really.

• Create the ideal festival line-up and preferably have the band perform a private and/or acoustic set. I'd start with Kings of Leon, Something Corporate, Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains. Not necessarily in that order.
• Call myself Master in Communication sciences / Translation [After 7 seven years I deserve them titles, no?]
• Write the lyrics to an amazing song or write a book
• Have a song written about me
• Translate a book. Preferably by Jaime Bayly or Albert Espinosa. Not a French one in each case, a Spanish one.
• Wear a blue wedding dress [If I ever do get married, of course]
• Make a world trip and fall in love with a thousand views.
• Fall in love tout court.
• Learn another three languages. To start with.
• Be a godmother [in progress]
• Feel free of all doubt [even for the briefest moment]
• Make a difference [even the slightest, to only one person] 
• Go to Latin-America. Argentina, Mexico, Cuba, Brazil, Chile, Paraguay, Venezuela, you get the picture.
• Go to Latin-America and learn a local dance. Tango?
• Compose the soundtrack of my life, never get tired of it and blast all the songs through the stereo at the same time. Or maybe I should just select my favorite part of each song.
• Always find the right words. At the right time. In the right order.

[.: I've never been so lost, I've never felt so much at home :.]